Please tell me I'm not the only one;
who sits down and suddenly decides he's going to kill himself, but never does. The past few hours have reinforced my reason behind not having much faith in many things. Recently, I've tried to change myself (for the better). And despite the cigarettes I've declined and alcohol I've turned my back on, I still lead a shitty life.
Despite focusing my attention on my personal goals, I've somehow managed to fuck up relationships with so many people, my self-esteem and most recently, my phone.
Throw me any equation based on positivity, confidence or success, I'll take a look at it and say "fuck that", because I've screwed up my life from so many angles, I don't even know how or where to pick myself up. I have, however, achieved success recently, and that was to let life fuck me over time and time again.
And it's so hard, how I'm trying to better myself, but God-fucking-damn-it do I crave a cigarette right now.
I'm sorry. Goodnight.
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