And at once, I knew I was not magnificent.

I had an expectation of what my grades would be like after the papers. I created an idealistic picture in my head. It was perfect. However, my results were not. I derived a few life lessons that day:

1. Everything built will be destroyed, including expectations
2. I am not as magnificent as my peers

I won't bore you with a long post about disappointment because I already have here. However, I'll explain why I think everything built will eventually be destroyed. I'll admit, I studied my ass off for each paper. I really expected to do well enough. At least enough to meet my expectations. I'm sure many of us felt this way. But, as we all know, life just doesn't fucking work for us when we want it to. Hopes and expectations (once built upon a base of confidence from hard work) get destroyed so easily and I can't help but feel that I let everyone else down. I'm trying, but I'm sorry. Never again will I build such great expectations for myself because never once did it work out. Hard work does not pay off. 

Which brings me to my next point. What the fuck am I doing wrong? I'm studying as hard as almost everyone else, but I'm not doing as well. It's just illogical. I am so done with myself. I am so done with myself crumbling under pressure and stress. Admittedly, I am conceding, and I am saying this with only truth: you are magnificent, you are brilliant, you are everything I am not. I wish I was happy for myself as much as I am for you. 

Continue being excellent in whatever you're doing, because I'm not giving up and one day I'll be at the top with you. I promise.




If you enjoyed reading this post, do subscribe to Paraswing (by submitting your email at the top of this blog) and do click on the ads and help fund my dream of not being a fucking failure.