Diary of a smitten boy.

 

 
12:00 AM

We are never close enough. I wish we lived together. Talking on the phone every single night just doesn't cut it. I suppose every night before we sleep, we don't always think of one particular person. Possibly random happenings during the day. I've gone through nights where I think of what I should eat for breakfast, and sometimes imagine myself surviving a zombie apocalypse. After I met you, not anymore, because you have been the main attraction in my sleepy thoughts. For a person to be the focal point of my thoughts as I lay tiredly in bed, you'd have to mean a whole lot to me. In bed, we take those final moments of conciousness to reflect and sometimes we think of important people in our lives. Unlike most people who spend their nights thinking of random shit, there's no one I'd rather be using my last few bits of wakefulness, but on you. I do hope I'm the person you think about before you fall asleep.

6:00 AM

I'm up and I'm getting ready for school! Why the fuck do I always choose to sleep late? I honestly wouldn't mind sleeping for 5 hours or less if I'm living with you, because I would always be looking forward to waking up beside you. I can't wait to live with you because those random naps at my house or very rare sleepovers are never enough. Time to give you a good morning text like how I've been doing for the past 3 years. 

11:00 AM

Almost lunch! I am hungry as fuck. Funny how even when I'm in class, my mind seems to wander and always end up at you. FUCK, I JUST RECEIVED A TEXT FROM YOU WHICH READS: "Sorry baby, don't think we can meet later......" or somewhere along that line. I don't want to see that shit. Is it ridiculous to feel a pang of jealousy if I think you're having plans with other boys? Because if so, I am fucking ridiculous. Oh-fucking-well, another day I guess.

4:00 PM

Done with school, you haven't texted in a while. Pangs of jealousy turns into waves of moodiness. I'm not quite sure what you're doing but we've agreed that mutual trust is the way to go in our relationship. The life that we live separate from one another should only serve as a way of enriching the trust and love that we possess. When I am with you, there is always a desire for a certain kind of closeness that feels at once constantly present and never fully achieved. I don't know, I just miss you so much. 

4:36 PM

You texted saying you were busy studying with friends. I respect that. I know you didn't know how I felt, but I am sorry for overreacting. I just hope you make time for me. I don’t like knowing that I won’t see you until tomorrow, but I like knowing that you’ll think about me and text me. You're on your way home and so am I.

10:00 PM

Back to where we started. Our nightly phone calls. God, I've missed your voice. I can tell you have certainly missed me. Can you see my smile as we talk? I hope you smile if you ever read this. I love you and goodnight.