I wish I had bad memory.

 

Funny how the person I'm trying to forget is the person I remember the most. I remember the sound of your hair and I remember the colour of your laugh. I remember you too much that my senses and your physical attributes jumble up like a kid playing with a Rubik's cube. I wish I had terrible memory, so every night before I go to bed, I wouldn't have to suffer the agony of beautiful memories with you. And even when I sleep, the suffering continues because the ghosts of our pasts have come back to haunt me in my dreams. I miss you, but I can't. It's tough but, I will forget you.  

And maybe when I wake up, I remind myself that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles. For the sake of my poor heart and my tortured brain, I must let you go. 

And maybe while I'm having breakfast, I remind myself that most things are forgotten over time. We're so caught up in our own lives that the events of the past no longer orbit around our minds. And maybe, just maybe, I will forget you.

And maybe when I'm walking home, I remind myself that I should avoid you. Out of sight, out of mind. I would always imagine myself finding an excuse to be as far as possible away from you. I would be polite, I promise.

And maybe before I sleep, I remind myself that I should just accept this process of "forgetting". It's going to take time and it's going to hurt, but I have to accept it. Maybe if I'm patient with myself, things will get easier.

But then again, when I wake up I start to think that maybe you're worth the weight to my ankles and maybe I like holding on to our memories, however heavy they are. 

And maybe while I'm having breakfast I realise that no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the present, there are some things we can never throw away, memories we can never wash from our minds. They remain with us forever.

And maybe when I'm walking home, while I'm looking for excuses to avoid you, my mind would always drift from excuses to you yourself, in all your beauty and in all your glory. 

And maybe before I sleep, I realise that I'm not strong enough to accept forgetting you and you forgetting me. And who am I kidding? I can't be patient for fuck's sake. 

And then it hits me, whilst I try to forget you, am I not doing myself a favour by remembering more?